oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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