She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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