Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
