Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
