I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
True strength comes from lack of pants
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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