It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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