i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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