I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I didn't notice because vodka
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
