Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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