the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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