Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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