she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
