We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
