I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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