I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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