So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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