Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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