That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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