I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
