In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize