my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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