I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
