I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You smell like stripper and shame
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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