I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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