you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
is wine microwaveable?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize