dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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