This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
