New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
