My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
