Already got asked if we're dating
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
