I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize