How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
