It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
