Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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