if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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