Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize