final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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