I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
