Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
