True but thats because hes a fetus.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
birth control should be required to get into college
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
