i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
