ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
