I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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