literally had 100 drinks last night.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
