Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
