well you can't waste a boner
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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