no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
