me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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