Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
