I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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