He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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