I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
