He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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