he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You dont lie about slip and slides
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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