but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
