i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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