i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
