Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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