The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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