I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
