Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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