Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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