I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
