drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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