I wish I could teleport
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
