My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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