Your dad touched me again.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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