nut hugger
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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