Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
this hospital has no fireball
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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