can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
