I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
