This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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