ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
