I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize