My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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