So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
