last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
