also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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